You burn me from the inside
None to see the ash or smell the smoldering
Little worlds in orbit
The pull of planets in motion
I am not a planet
I’m an asteroid
Collision course set
Annihilation of you
You thought to put this in me
A perfect shell for your pleasure
Parts of me are stone and the more you heat
The hotter my glory gets
In time I’ll burn your tender of tenders
The far reaches first
But I am coming for you
And in my tails wake
All the planets you rule
One by one with you in sight
I am your shot across the bow
From across the galaxy you look like any other star
Slowly burning out
It’s dirty work being a lover, seems there is always something missed in the cleanup, little betrayals seep into the fibers, sometimes unseen, sometimes without scent, or stain, but there in the sheet weave marks are made. I think of sweet release and silence in the dark of so many moments that bind one to another. Somehow it all comes down to contrast, sacred barometer. The heart knows what words conceal, vague answers and a ping in the gut as the pressure rises. The epidermis knows what the eyes do not see, mirror rites of blood and tears, lies and truths. Holy time lays it all flat and made so the lovers may see clean turned corners tightly pulled weave and the stains no matter how small show under the suns golden rays. Burning desires, burning hearts and limbs… and lives. Dirty, filthy little germs to make us sick, spreading lies and love, burning throat and thighs. Tightly woven veil of words. Filtered fluid and your flowing frigid stare, singe and burn, and stab, stab, stab that heart so clean and bare to you. Stain the sheet for time she sees the humid air, sickly seep.
The dirtiest part of being a lover is knowing that nothing comes clean, be it one time or two, six years or fifty — the weave and the stain are lovers too.
An old incarnation of the many faces of a band we had (Sleskipoo and I)… this is a video that was part of an art show in Chili (The Babylon Project) I just re-listened too and wanted to share over here, I usually only keep this page for my diary entries but here it is nonetheless, maybe I’ll post more lowtech fun from the past…
Rabbitman, you take my dreams and twist. I think I thought this period was going to be less, or perhaps more. It’s hard to know where half way is but I think I am on the other side because the light is different and my heart is somehow changed. It’s funny because I have these moments of beauty over tea with old friends and the world looks sweet then I sit with you and watch as you turn my words into knots so hard it hurts and I so far from where I started, lost but for my memory of home. Those dangling branches obscure the view of the visage behind that hideous cackle of a voice just round the bend and you are gone again. I am big because you are small.
I see you Queen Medusa
This world is no place to glance back at once you’ve gone
Turn it to stone
The days are more beautiful in your garden when no one is there to see
Sacred secret, sing sweet sister
Fold in and away and you’ll live forever
Gone from the little pictures they paint
Run outside and shake your sin lady serpent
Where there are not eyes to slay your ways
See your flowers bloom and die
The days are scented solitary
Oh, Queen Medusa, it comes round
They tell stories of your ways
But I know there are none to see the truth
I know this path, Lady Medusa, for I have a scared heart too
We are all monstrous, one way or another
This was the first year that your death date came and went, that I did not pause, that I forgot – Mamo, I have finally moved on with only your light in my heart, love is all that remains. This exile has been ages.
There was never a child that loved her mother more than I. Your gravity kept me for so long that now as I float away I can see what a gift of light you are, I see you as a supernova, traveling to the ends of all that is, free of the orbit you held when I was yours.
I am taken back that your death has finally released me; it’s as if I slept though it and no longer have to get up for it, remarkable.
I stopped running too. So many moves and places, so much art and solitude despite all the scenery, but I stopped and have a home once again, you live here too. Mamo, my heart is full as I can see all the love I’ve lived, even in my life away from the world, this love lives free of the people and faces. I bled out all the poison on the Altar and asked to pay my debt to life; this is no longer an exile, it is freedom. The blood drained and dried and went to the winds. I am still alone, yes, but I am not lonely.
Forever your child-
Moments swim round like bubbles pushing to the surface, tiny, tickling worlds in memory, how I become heavy as they push past, sparkling lights lifting away, if I could touch one and possess it again, convince it that it was mine and pull it back in, breathe it, bathing light stay for a moment more before joining the sea of effervescent lives lived pushing ever to the surface away from the density of matter sinking downward like clay. If I could find you again.
To be part of something, part of other peoples world
We all live lives
Spokes in wheels on roads
The world has been infiltrated and they say it’s a conspiracy.
Emotion, compassion, connection, these things are dying out.
Surely singularity is near and those of us not willing to sacrifice the beauty of error and emotional folly will be phased out.
The day is coming, just look at your life, do you feel lost, or alone, not able to understand the motives of those around you, are you looked at as irrational by those that claim to love you yet need you to be washed of basic interactions of fealty, are you seen as too emotional and ridiculous, do you find yourself lost in the web of logic when it comes to your emotions and what is rational?
We are the remnants of the old world, pure in a way yet unclean to the new world.
Don’t drink their water, or eat the food, stand up
If you are reading this, know that there are others, we live and are as isolated as you
Stay true and strong
You may spend years looking for something you forgot about
More time in bed than out of bed
You realize that everything has invisible strings, even solitude
When the cat breaks your favorite pretties and you just clean up the mess and return to bed
When your planning includes what you can do without
Remembering that everyone you are related to is either dead or has disowned you for unknown reasons
Coming to see that nothing really matters
When you stop asking why
Seeing your fuckups more than your triumphs
Feeling like an unnatural hole that nature keeps trying to close
Thinking about the mean things people say
It’s easy to make me the villain; I sure do a good job without even trying. I wonder about what is unseen. Does the thought of me sting the tongue; make you grind your teeth… When is the score settled and the hidden revealed.
I’m so ashamed of all the things I’ve done in my sleep. Wicked sirens of love sing so sweetly that I think to be one until the deep swallows me.
Solitude is the way of the wise. I have no desire for the outer world, only my garden and art – my monastery of daydreams.
Burden sticks to the skin, obligations of decorum swirl on the surface and then that song. I’ve seen enough of the people in this world. I always serve my pound of flesh and yet it seems I’m always the thief lying about the under taste. There’s no more mystery in sex, only dicks and pussies, it’s all rancid.
I’ll stay away.
You gonna fall like lead in water
Lost like tears in water
I think I’ve waited long enough
On the start it all went, you know
I lost the seconds and hours
Close your eyes again and see
And be with me
This stinking pain ain’t nothin’ to be proud of
Seems a time to claim your love
To claim me
All the rippling days just moving by
But you got your pride
And those ideas people have about you
I think about the next time round
How can I get there
To the place where I found love
Just before I fucked it up
The prize sinking like lead in water
Them years all tears and water
That One that wakes up with my name on his lips
The one waiting to see me
Me, only me
I don’t like you “Anytime, Anywhere” people. You have no focus. Addiction of obviousness. Here a pussy. There a pussy. Pocket pussy. Stripper pussy. Nerd pussy. Any pussy. The common denominator. So I cover my pussy. You’ve all killed the thrill. Dirty for sport. Raunchy for fashion. Get it when you can. Stick it in a thousand holes and you’ll never know. You’ll just never know. You folks live dead. TV. TV. TV. That club. That Bar. Those people watching TV. Drunk sex is dead sex. You dead fester and stink. That girl. And that girl. And that hole. Fill your pocket full of pussy “Anytime. Anywhere”.
I wear long robes like a holy woman
Like a person stepped away
This world is not mine
Or the people, no, the people are not mine
Only the sound of the trees and animals soothe me
So I wear long robes like a holy woman
Where did it all go wrong, this world’s people are lost
They sell the grass and the worms
They sell each other and tight clothes
They fuck and fight
These are not my people
I wear long robes to hide
Canopy and ground cover
Lonely girls are dangerous girls
All the hours
Steeping too long
The bitter notes come
Loneliness sends out shoots
We want to know why the nights are dark and without end
Girls think about lingering kisses
Flesh on flesh
Even I, on this island look to the horizon for the break
Danger days bring it all to the surface, what is not there in the night, the bitter taste of nothingness
We, the girls of solitarius isle, the ones that give love to the void, we are dangerously sucked dry
Oh you know
Just another dead precious pretty
Don’t they make ‘em daily
That’s what they all say but that precious pretty ain’t like the rest
I always had funny taste anyway