StarMan

Sunday, June 9, 2013 at 1:40 am

I remember you all eyes of blue and through me stared

The dunes in Wisconsin and my granny with her man

Tunnel tunnel me to you the tears did fall

 

Categories: POPment

And her, And her, And her

Tuesday, May 14, 2013 at 5:28 pm

In my dreams you are so mean

You cheat

And lie

I wake up nervous for my heart

My choices

And you

It’s what I get for being so unseen

The girls are always catching your eye

Your double and triple takes

Your smiles and drinks

Your lies

I do not exist in your outside world

Unseen and kept

My dreams do try to tell

Always locked in a tower

Or trapped underwater

Where is my shining light

My only One so true

I want it to be you

To be you

To be you

But there’s always another trip

More lies and drinks

More singles and stares

No ring to say

That you are true

I know and see

Because you did it with me

And her

And her

Because you do it in front of me

With her

And her

And her

Categories: Blood, Journal

Secret Girl

Sunday, May 12, 2013 at 1:38 pm

She lives an unseen life

They don’t see her

Only what they hate

Or want

She sees

And feels

She has no family

No lover in the light

She looks on though

The days turning dark

Deeper into the woods

Closer to the river

By a moonless night

She disappears from herself

No one sees a secret girl

You want as you watch

You need what feeds

You lose what’s lost

I

Categories: Blood

Revisting a piece I wrote in 2009 called Squim

Thursday, March 28, 2013 at 1:20 am

Blanched images and words, torrid kisses that still hold me, so shadowed, so wispy; I recall a moment of complete sanctity, from an arched Moorish window, Luna’s blood spilled in on me, dowsing me wet! His lips sliding down my pulsing neck, my cunt throbbing, his eyes anchored in mine, I wanted him, even in the chains of that moment I may have needed him, yet, I walked on the winds lift away; unspoiled, uninfected, un-relented–

I do not know what it is to release myself fully in the waters of another.
For this I stand alone-

Sometimes I reach out my hand to the seas tide;
At times, I feel it’s gravity, it’s weight;
Fleeting pulsations, cold, moist, dank,
Drinking my will, wailing my name, reflecting my image:
Dazed, dizzy and dry, I just stand there looking out into the blackened speculum, onto the reflection of me; silvered flowing beam, smirking vixen, taunt–

Categories: Blood

Untitled

Saturday, February 16, 2013 at 9:19 pm

I am fire

You will see

I burn before your cruel gaze

You will feel the heat

I am salt and tears too

You will be carried away in lofty float

I am death beyond your reach

You shall reach

Categories: Journal

No, to yesterday

Monday, December 31, 2012 at 3:35 pm

Forgetting the days behind

Letting go of memory’s grip

I’ve rotated there long enough

Some nights whittle me down

Silly me — Silly you

I came down from the moon to the sound of a call

And to the moon I return

Whittled away

My mother, the vastness of space

My father, a nebula

Those days behind are burning stars dying out

I do not see them any longer

Their light fades

And now I must forget those days before I’m whittled evermore

 

Categories: Journal

YuleTide

Monday, December 24, 2012 at 4:27 pm

Merry Christmas, Mama & Granny.

You were the only family I ever knew. The years since your deaths have proven that.

I love you both forever.

Thank You for showing me love in a land of filth.

Categories: POPment

Untitled

Saturday, December 1, 2012 at 6:54 am

I had this dream of you

Laying there alone

Reaching for you from here

You do not see me

Did not see me

See me

Days pouring over those days

Deeper in we are

We are

See

Categories: Blood

The only fish

Wednesday, September 26, 2012 at 1:33 am

 

It’s hard to be special in the sea.

Categories: POPment

101

Saturday, September 22, 2012 at 2:59 pm

Whittle it away, baby

Your knife is gettin’ dull

You wanna play like this

The blood will flow

You’ll bleed out

That breast bone you carved up real nice

Don’t that splinter hurt

Me,

I’m gonna sleep when it’s all done

You,

You gotta bleed for this one

 

Categories: Blood

Please

Saturday, September 15, 2012 at 3:36 am

Do you know what loneliness is

To be alone

Lonely

 

Categories: Journal

Extra Credit

Wednesday, August 22, 2012 at 1:23 pm

“Where you goin’, hooker

That ain’t your road, didn’t you read the syllabus

Don’t get emotional or you’ll lose your soul

You can give ‘em it good and they’ll pay

then say you owe them and take it out on you again

Watch your step down here, this course is rough

Look at the other girls

See all them soulless ones

Hollowed holes

They let ‘em take it and run

Remember, this ain’t your home

They gonna take what they can because they know you leavin’

Keep your nose to the book when the pain comes

Finals are comin’ and you gotta pass or take this shit again

The longer you in the game the more chance you have to lose what cannot be gotten back

Somebody gonna love you somewhere, don’t look for it here, they come and go, they just lookin’ to kill they pain, to give it to you

Learn on these streets

Call this home and you’ll fail

They say you uppity too, them regulars

I tried to tell ‘em that you just doin’ this for extra credit

They try to kill what they can’t have, watch yourself

You starvin’, I see it, so do they

It’s almost over, hooker

Pass or Fail”

 

 

Categories: Ethers

Shrining in the sky

Thursday, August 9, 2012 at 12:13 am

 

It’s no secret I’ve had a rough go of it in life. I started on the wrong foot and never really could get the swing of things ever since.  I’ve been lied to by just about everyone, cheated on, beat up, raped, lost some of my favorite people to death, belittled, talked down to, stolen from, yielded my treasures to fire, put out, laughed at, talked about, betrayed, abandoned, orphaned,  and I’m still learning to walk.

My most heartfelt apologies go out to the couple people that I was not able to see clearly were only out to love me, that when I look back I feel ashamed and sad for my actions.  Conniemom. Scott. Randy. You never did any of these things to me, yet, I was so war torn and misraised that I could not help myself.

It’s still the same for me in life, all a trade — Concubine.

Out of the blue and in some dark little gutter I’ve been looking at the mess. A pigeon toed girl with wide eyes dreaming in a basement. The selfish act of self-loathing over another fair trade that played my heart tendrils. How can I believe in something that’s not there. Little girl dreaming, please wake up…please, so that we may get on our feet, you and I.

The stars are calling from another galaxy.

I have a home somewhere.

Somewhere I am sacred.

 

 

Categories: Journal

Heartburn

Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 10:54 am

 

It’s hard to reconcile betrayal

Little thoughts that were there all along

Ideas of ones worth to another

Wounds on the sly

Four is a lie too

Stabbing pains in the gut

Attack from within

Swallowed words

Your eyes

Your lies

They burn

 

Categories: Blood

Hook

Tuesday, July 24, 2012 at 1:56 am

Line

 

 

Categories: POPment

The day in bed

Thursday, July 19, 2012 at 11:07 pm

I’m done over here for awhile. From time to time I will put a little something up.

This blog was a passage for me. A way to bloodlet. You know who you are.

These raw (no filters) photo’s are from yesterday. Goodbye.

 

 

 

 

 

Categories: Away, Blood, Ethers, Journal, POPment, Storyblood

Photos from my week

Thursday, July 19, 2012 at 10:50 pm

 

Gin was my lover this night.

 

 

Categories: Away, Blood, Ethers, Journal, POPment, Storyblood

Note

Sunday, July 1, 2012 at 12:46 am

This distance is an illusion, I know. I dream of you every night. There is no space between us, none. Don’t be cold, baby. I’m waiting like ol’ merlin entombed. Let me in from the dark. It’s cold with only this dream to keep me. The thought of you in me. I smell you sometimes. All warm for me, then hot. I’m waiting. Still waiting.

Categories: Journal

Solstice 2102

Wednesday, June 20, 2012 at 11:59 pm

 

All day in the sun

A devils pride

Slithering

Sacrifice

 

 

 

Categories: Ethers

Happy father’s day papa.

Sunday, June 17, 2012 at 2:04 am

 

You never got over being abandoned by your dad. The years you’ve spent looking for him have been in vain. The other families he started that loved him as you do, they must also mourn his rambling ways. It’s funny how you went and did it to me, what he did to you.

I think about you more than I should, maybe as much as you think of Nuncio. I do not search for you anymore. I know a ghost when I see one. At least I do now. My memories of you are more in the vein of a Daddy rather than a papa. You paid for my invisibility. This is the difference between you & I and Nuncio & you.

Your other children do not see the chains that bind you to me and my dead mother. They do not know what it’s like to be abandoned by your cold gray eyes and convenient smile. I imagine how nice holidays are with family around. I wonder what it’s like to have a home and feel safe knowing that you are looking out for me. Fate has smiled on my sister and her stepbrother – your other family will mourn you I’m sure.

Somehow I feel closer to Nuncio than I do you. He started this after all. He and I encapsulate you. The beginning and the end circled are the same point. You search for him yet I am still here. Happy father’s day Daddy. You are your father’s son.

 

Categories: Blood